Mothers never say goodbye

Mothers never say goodbye 

Fever scratching 

In the sweat of the alone

Those who grasped the daylight

Who pulled their children’s hands 

Closer to some oddity in the grass, 

Touched their curls in the vast dark

And felt together. 

Goodbye but not goodbye. 

A final touch before 

Your fingers start to itch to grasp them back. 

This is not only war, 

But bravery

Bravery to unclasp

Your hand 

From those treasured parts of you.

I let my hand float in the air

And all the structure 

Suddenly erodes

They move to the mist

A mist that will never

Be without it’s shroud

Floods and floods of hope

Leave their footsteps at the door

Ghosts 

Soft steps away

She hopes she will see your smile again

But hopes she never

will have to say Goodbye. 

What about rain?

What rains on me?

silver darkness

the flickering tongue

Susurration of the trembling leaf

Throw me

Down to the river

The river that I can see

Remember

where life

augments

and in all it’s flourish

bold orange

Fades

to shallow graves.

I am at the River of

the river’s edge

water guides me through my bones

surface sparkling

scales

of blue diamonds.

water cascades over me

Now the rain is pure

Now it rains on me

One day

It is one of those days

normal in some aspect

normal now

Normal then,

a while

closeness was

love

tender touch of hands and feet beside me

seeing my eyes in you,

such a touch of softness.

lonely upstairs

liking lonely

drink to remember

everything differently

forget what there is

to forget.

I am right behind you

I am right here.

I have no place

Yet my presence is so blinding

Sailing aimless

ghost on the hills

ghost of you

ghost of me.

forget my words

they mean nothing

I am flying

gannet diving

depths are rolling

floating, sleeping

avoid.

avoid me.

Fix me?

I dare you.

I dare you to love me.

Ships and Fear

My heart has failed
Failed
So
Desperately
In this dungeon
Deadlocked
Despair
The bars
Beam
Gleams
Of golden leaves
Robes
Of dawn
Lay me
Down to sleep.
Cool night
A shawl
For my grief
It turns cogs
Behind this
Engine in my mind
It drives
The blackness
Of the night.
Daylight is dark
Life is just
a fantasy
Misty as a
Far gone ship
Horizons
On the turquoise sea.

The Rose

Your skin
Paper thin
Roses seep
Thorns in your blood
Their sap
Sting
Salty burns
Tears on cuts
And years are thin
Many mouths
Have kissed
Your paper skin
Why won’t you
Remain untouched.
Bloom.
You cry
Like a rose
Like a child
Who touched these thorns.
Withered petals
Become your bed.
I will be your
Stem
Your breath
I will pass
Blood
Into your veins.
I feel thorns.
I bloom
To sunlight
Shady covers.
Tenderness
Light
Salt.
This velvet red
On your hands
Red,
Red
Red.
I gleam
And bloom
And bruise.
Blood red.
Rose red.
Heart as hard
As resin.
Heart that bleeds,
Beat
Breathe.
Soft,
Paper thin
Scarlett
Rose,
Mine,
My red
Red rose.

Dissociate

A blood smear on the table.
I think I don’t know how to live,
I think
Perhaps
There is a sense of an ending
A sense
Of ground turning
A thawing
A sense
Of decay.

I cradle a baby.
Together we are flesh.
One and one.
I watch the carousel
My slow consideration
Of the show
Colours and pride
And everything that died
In me.

You who
Inhabited
My dark,
The most shallow place.
All blackened fractures
You slowly seep to
Tar.
I hear the night begging
for my blood
Black hooded soul,
Horseman of
My dreaded night.

I plead to be pieced together
Before I rupture
My heart
An abscess
Bled to an empty sack
An empty sack
Of bones
And a body that says hello.

Do you know
You stood at the foot of my bed
A call
In my slowly fading
Echo chamber.
I hear the beat of God’s heart
In the toll of a bell.
Calling all those
Who want mercy.
I wilt
In the vacuum of my self disgust
Tulips grow
From my green earthed
Soul.

Leaves (original poem)

You
Who so graciously falls.
Always within
An inch of life.
Death comes so suddenly
And like me
You will die
Over and over.
You will fly with the night
Swallow-tailed and free.
Although you are bloodless
Your tiny thread veins
Stream with strength.
You bleed red
And orange
And yellow.
Your edges touch steeples
And wide eyes watch you at fluttering heights.
You cling to life so secretly
But some may catch
The slow whisper
Of your descent.
Your fate is
breaking free.
Here at my feet
You will die your death
As quietly as a last breath.
No longing,
None left.
The arms of your father’s
Shelter me
Mourning.
Never do you know
When you will be plucked
Plucked from breaking arms
And fall
Fall so graciously to the ground.

When you were away (my poem)

I’m glad the bus windows are dirty
I am afraid
They will see
This haemorrhage of grief
Inside me.
Senses prickle
Like thorns in my side
Glances tingle
Like a thousand prying eyes
I swallow these pills
In a daily routine
To try and cut through the blindness.
I do chores.
I sleep.
And I keep my pride in my mouth
Hidden
Like a crouching beast
To keep it from speaking.
I walk away from myself every day.
And the days
turn their backs on me too.

Take a drink (poem of mine)

Give me these hands of hope
Let me see
These palms
Turned open
Let me see a shyness
Dissolve like a dye –

Disaster will follow
I took the warnings on my shoulders,
The mornings on my conscience
Padded with good lucks
Trembling with the good will.

Sometimes
It is too clear
And memories march
Through memories
Pain tingles
As a sensation
Unknown
Peculiarly
Elusive
Peculiarly
Alive.

“Take a drink” he said,
And I
Feeble
Obeyed,
Disobeyed
Swung between the two,
My polarities
Head-locked,
Obtrusive.

I don’t want my eyes open (poem of mine)

I don’t want my eyes open
I want the black dreams
The jittery
Reminiscence
I want the revelation
Of turning clouds
And pale skies
That drown like
Ghosts in the light.

I don’t want my eyes open,
I want peace
Like a plain sheet
And a window propped
To an outside chorus
And a mind as clear
As a blue day.

I don’t want my eyes open
To feel my stomach churn
Head burning with conversation
The friction
Of the daily grind.
I don’t want
My eyes open.